selling icecream

sometimes i feel that i'll rather be a hermit and hide in a cave in the hills where no one can find me. this world is just getting too complicated.

i've been misunderstood too many times, even by my own agents. a lot of people think i'm a coldhearted and conniving bitch and that i sleep around and i don't even want to mention the worse things i have heard. most of the time, i hold my head up high and ignore what they say. but sometimes, i just can't take it and i retreat into my own little world to heal. they don't know that i'm just a girl who cries when i'm watching E.T.

in this life, i've had a big love and a big crush. my big love ended when i was 24, because of lies and my refusal to forgive. we used to have all these dreams, which were never fulfilled. now he is married to someone else, something which i could have stopped, but never did, because of my pride. the big crush lasted more than a decade. i really do not know whether he still has an effect on me now cos i've not seen him for such a long time. but seriously, this is better kept as a memory. memories are the most beautiful and ignorance is bliss. i have no idea how he is like as a person. better to keep it that way. i just don't wanna know.

i think i wanna sell icecream when i grow up. at least i know that when people buy icecream from me, they are happy.

if i had my own place, i will...

1. fill up the freezer with my favourite icecream
2. have a wine fridge filled with nice wine
2. fridge full of beer
4. chill out on my balcony with wine/beer/icecream and a book every night after work

sleepless night

was tossing and turning in bed the whole of last night. couldn't get to sleep at all. this is bad. could this mean that i have to rely on alcohol/sleeping pills to fall asleep at night?

siao liao.

of restraint and perserverance

been drinking quite a lot the past week. the invitations just kept on coming, and me, being me, when faced with alcohol, i just cannot refuse. i know my self restraint is weak. ;P

the bus ride to office always makes me think about many things. today i realised that my perserverance has never been very strong compared to a lot of people. many a times, i never follow things through, stuff like getting my driving license. i went for the test twice and have failed on both occasions. maybe i don't like the feeling of failing. hmm.. maybe i should change.

the stint at the showflat is almost finally over. now back to business. :)

Love is...

Love is a slow kiss goodnight. It's anticipation.
Love is flirting outrageously and still remembering that the person at your side is not obligated to do anything. It's respect.
Love is an imperfection in yourself not bothering you. It's acceptance.
Love is passing up an opportunity because the time isn't right yet. It's patience.
Love is a back massage that starts above the hairline and ends around the insoles. It's exploration.
Love is not having to say "Let's make love," because you know what the other person wants. It's understanding.
Love is being given an honest chance to say no when you thought you were committed. It's consideration.
Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn embrace dissolve into giggles. It's humor.
Love is being told "Stop and I'll kill you". It's desire.
Love is reviewing the damage to your living room and realizing personal effects are strewn in a clockwise pattern from the front door to the bedroom. It's abandonment.
Love is seeing what your lover really looks like for the first time. It's truth.
Love is knowing what time it is and not caring. It's joy.
Love is the arms around you tightening their embrace. It's ecstasy.
Love is seeing a new side of a person you thought you knew. It's renewal.
Love is telling a person if you have to leave, you will let them sleep, and being told they would rather be woken. It's tenderness.
Love is waking up to find the subject of the dream you were having asleep on your shoulder. It's where fantasy meets reality.
Love is being there to wake your lover. Slowly. It's sensuousness.
Love is belatedly knowing why you bothered to buy a queen-sized bed three years ago. It's practicality.
Love is two people only taking up a third of a queen-sized bed. It's closeness.
Love is knowing you gave the extra set of keys to your apartment to the right person. It's trust.
Love is saying good-bye and knowing you will be back by mutual consent. It's faith.
Love is stretching your arms and discovering the real meaning of the word "sore". It's a lesson in human frailty.
Love is opening your medicine cabinet and finding your tube of toothpaste turned into a pretzel. It's adaptation.
Love is sitting at the window, looking out and remembering who you were with the night before. It's reflection.
Love is hearing the weather forecast for a winter storm and wishing you could spend it in bed with your lover. It's loneliness.
Love is stories that will never be told. It's personal.

-Heather Powers